saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
