My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
