Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
