After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
