____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
