I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
