Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
