it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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