my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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