We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
