just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize