I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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