Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there is glitter all over my balls
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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