Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
4 words: hood of his car
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
