i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
