Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
