Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
