were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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