it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
