carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
