I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
