Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I didn't notice because vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
