roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
