We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
