My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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