Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
