new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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