he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Damn victory sex feels great
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
