I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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