I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
