i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
