1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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