P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
