i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
