Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
