dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
