i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
