I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
