I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Alive.
So much puke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
did you just send me my own nude
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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