I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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