Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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