kristin has been a bad kristin
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
