the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize