I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
