Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
