Kiss
Puke
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
