Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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