I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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