No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
