she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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