Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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