Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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