I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
