Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
