drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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