God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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