I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
