I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize