I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
