I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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