she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
