I was born with a shot glass in my hand
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
