who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
