Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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