Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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