Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize