he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
