Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
