I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
